monster cheese
Wednesday, Sept. 03, 2003 - 11:28 a.m.
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Ok, here I am trying to make my first real slice since Wednesday, Aug. 27, 2003 - 10:46 p.m.. As I said in my previous entry my slacking certainly wasn't due to lack of proper cheeseing material and I don't think it was due to laziness this time either. To be perfectly honest with you, I just wasn't in the mood to cheese. I mean, I had the material and even did some drafts both in my head and in a Microsoft Word document, I just couldn't get myself to open the "add an entry" box and start plugging in the necessary html to make cheese. Hopefully my slump has passed and things can get back to normal around here. Of course, by "normal" I mean large gaps between entries and me apologizing for sucking so hard at this whole blog thing :-P
Now I'll try to fill you in on a few of the things you've missed because of my suckyness:
Remember what my dad said to me at my grandparents' party? Well my great uncle was so offended by what he said that he thought to mention it to my grandma (don't mothers just LOVE hearing about some awful thing their son has done?) and he let her know that my dad was way outta line and that there was nothing wrong with my outfit - needless to say, grandma was PISSED OFF.
Last weekend was the "party from hell" - this party was thrown under the guise that it was a second wedding reception for Justin and me. Normally I try to assume that things will be the absolute worst so when they actually turn out to be just a little above "worst" it's not a let down but rather a cause for celebration. Well this time I didn't assume worst enough - this was the party from somewhere waaaaaaaaaaay worse than hell.
Despite the fact that this party was thrown to give people a chance to meet my new husband no one was really interested in talking to him - or even me for that matter. But hey, a family picnic is a family picnic and we've all suffered through 'em. However, after about 3 1/2 hours there was a gradual shif from "family picnic" to "my parents big fat drunken party" so Justin and I started to feel REALLY outta place and that it was time to load up the car with our gifts/left over cake and get the hell outta there. I mean, we were SUCH outcasts at this point that we were spending most of our time standing to the side of the party watching my mom's rabbits run around eating lettuce - something you can only do for so long.
So we made the decision to say goodbye to the set of grandparents that we don't see that often. My grandpa was cool about it and gave the usual "good to see you" and "you should come down and see us" etc. along with a hug and a "drive safe!" His wife however, was a TOTALLY different story. She was physically grabbing me and trying to make me stay - she even threatened to steal my cake and threatened to lock me in the house! All in good fun I'm sure but still annoying as hell because it was literally a 20 minute production.
The reason she wanted us to stay so badly? My uncles (her sons) have a part-time DJ business so they often do weddings and other parties for extra money. My mom had asked me months ago if I'd like my uncles to bring up their equipment so we could have a dance as part of the party. I told her I wasn't interested and that I'd prefer to have a "during the day party" which is why we agreed on 1pm-4pm in the first place. My mom explained to me that she might be able to get the bar (that's right - this party took place behind a bar - did I forget to mention this?) to hire them for the night and they could make some money. I told her (again, months ago) that doing that was fine but that they should NOT be bringing all of their shit up for us because a) we didn't want it and b) we didn't want to stay that late - we wanted to be home before dark - again , this is why we agreed on a 1pm-4pm party in the first place.
My grandma kept telling me that my uncles had brought up all their DJ stuff for me so we could have a wedding dance and that I shouldn't be trying to leave my own party. At this point I explained the above paragraph to her but instead of listening to me she started rambling on about all of the things that were gonna be for me. You know, things like a dollar dance. I informed her that even if I WERE to stay that I certainly would NOT be participating in anything as tacky as a dollar dance. Besides, everyone I knew had already left so what was I gonna do? Dance to some country song I hate for 2 1/2 minutes with my parents old drunken friends that I don't know for $1? I don't THINK so!
During this "fight" my husband ran away because he's uncomfortable in such situations (and honestly, what normal person wouldn't be?) so I wrestled myself away from grandma long enough to find him and tell him it was time to go - false. Grandma cornered me again and this time asked me to sit down and "just talk" and even though I knew better - I sat. During this sit fest the following conversation took place:
her: Justin said he would stay...
me: No he didn't...
her: Yes he did, he said he would stay...
me: I know he didn't say that because he knows I want to go home...if anything he said he'd do whatever I want to do just to get you off his back...
(insert shocked look on grandma's face when realizing that she underestimated my knowledge of my husband)
FINALLY two very relieved newlyweds were in their car and gleefully heading north on I-35. I assumed grandma would continue to be a little disappointed that we didn't stay longer but I also assumed that no one would care and that everyone would get over it. Boy was I wrong...keep reading if you wanna know what happened after we left:
The rest of the big drunken evening was spent complaining about me and what a controlling bitch I am. (Please keep in mind that this part of the "party" was taking place IN the aforementioned bar and that complete strangers were able to experience this.) My grandma thought I was rude and disrespectful and my dad said (this'll be in quotes but it's really just paraphrasing), "I didn't raise her to be like that...I did more than most fathers do...not as much as some, but more than most...I can't believe she did that....what a fucking bitch...etc." Now isn't THAT special? My mom's only "defense" of me was that, "she did exactly what she said she was gonna do...she stayed longer than I thought she would" - this might have been a passable defending had it not been said in the bitchy/snotty tone that it was. Well, that and the fact that shortly after that she said, "I think Justin is really starting to like this whole 'family gathering' thing and Erica just pulls him away from it..."
Let's review: The party that was NOT for us sucked so we only stayed 4 1/2 hours instead of the 4 we had promised...everyone in my family thinks I'm a controlling bitch...are you still with me? (If you are, please write in cheesebook and tell me how the FUCK you do it 'cause even I'm bored at this point!)
In other news, Justin started back to school yesterday. This semester he teaches from 8-8:50am and 9-9:50am Monday through Friday (plus a 2-hour composition class on Fridays only) and that's it. Sure he'll have meetings once in awhile and he's supposed to have a few private students, but get THIS - he got an email yesterday saying that his schedule was "too heavy" and that maybe he SHOULDN'T have private students this semester! HA! He already responding saying he'd like to keep the students but dude, it's hilarious to think that in his field working more than 12 hours a week for a full-time salary is "too much" - we should ALL have jobs like his!
Well I think I've written MORE than enough for one slice so I'm gonna wrap this up and hopefully I'll be adding another either tomorrow or Friday.
P.S. Thanks to those of you who harassed me in cheesebook - I can always count on you to kick me in the ass and get cheese back on track...
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